I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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