LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
