my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
