the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They took my balls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I could fuck to npr.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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