dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
