my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We smell like vodka and hangover
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