Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
