how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
