yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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