Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
