Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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