you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
