Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
