3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
