i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
