i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
