Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
