So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
