my soul wont recognize me after tonight
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
