Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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