why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
