What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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