Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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