He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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