Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
