We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
