Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
