wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
