My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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