She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
