dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
