As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
