So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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