FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
