My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
