is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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