This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
