Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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