Too much gin, very little bucket
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
