i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
