Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
