i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
