Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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