It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
