Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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