you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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