I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
