I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
