there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
