You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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