I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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