so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
