fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
